i mewn ‘r ardda

Mary Poppins-or should I say Mary POPPY-is a daughter of the devil. She will take your children’s souls to keep them, and crush them, and hide them in her magic bag. That’s right, she’s a witch and not just any old witch. She is witch in the practice of BLACK magic. Just look her name. Poppins = Poppy which is where opiates come from, like heroin for example. And mixing such a name with the mother of God is blaphemous as recorded by the Apostle in Paul’s letter to the church at Antioch.

It is obvious Poppins dabbles in alchemy. Now, I’m the first person to say that alchemy per se is not within the realm of the dark one. Some very fine scientists have dabbled in it. But Old Scratch isn’t far from the alchemist’s elbow. There are always greedy temptations buffeting the serious alchemist’s heart. So what alchemy has she done? She can turn bread and water into tea and cakes, using nothing more than sugar. I have this on the witness of Bert, George Banks, and others. She can also change the flavor of medicine at will.

Poppins seen flying in an undated photo. Looking a bit long of tooth here.

Consider the magic she is steeped in. She practices levitation. Remember the time she charmed Uncle Albert’s tea table? She also knows all manner of incantations and spells. SupercalifragXXXXXXXXX- saints preserve me I almost typed the whole word. She is no stranger to the dark world of necromancy. She animates dead things like chalk drawings and snow globe people. She can fly and I’m not talking about hot air balloons. That’s right she flys with her umbrella, much like witches in the New World fly on broomsticks. Poppins is clearly a beast-talker though she doesn’t seem to have reached the level of beastmaster. She has been known to communicate with birds, both live and reanimated. She can also speak dog, though not as well.

But you may ask what crimes has she committed? She has murdered dozens of people or at least maimed them. Consider the case where she caused tornadic winds to actually blow away a large number of women, to their destruction it can only be assumed.

Poppin’s elemental familiar is fire. She can control fire and smoke quite easily, such as causing smoke to form unnatural shapes like stairs, and solidify, just to name one thing. Water is the opposite of fire and thus she cannot easily control it. Water might even be her enemy, as it is the enemy of other dark sisters like the Wicked Witch of the West. She therefore has a very difficult time controlling rain, and oceans.

Not only does she practice these things, but she teaches them to others. She squirreled herself into the George and Winifred Banks’ home and turned their children into her acolytes. She did this primarily by showing them how to animate objects in the nursery using only finger snaps. She thus charms children by making the mundane special. This is the hook she uses to establish herself as an authority over them. Once it is set she is free to toy with her victims however she chooses, much like how the hag did with Hansel and Gretel.

Every black magic witch has a twisted sexual perversion, and judging from Poppins queer affinity for corsets I think we can safely say she is into bondage and M&Ms.

I hope this is enough to discourage you from ever inviting this “Mary” Poppins into your own home. Don’t even read books or see movies about her, curiousity is never fully sated and you will only thirst for more black art once you get a taste. And don’t even think about Poppin’s god(devil?)daughter, Pippi Longstocking.